I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
