I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
