those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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