how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
