Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize