Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We are two peas in an std pod
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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