Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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