I just made out with a guy for $7.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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