So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You have to summon your inner elephant
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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