dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize