Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
