I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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