I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
