you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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