you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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