he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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