Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
