I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
you had me at cake vodka
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
