you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
