so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
this hospital has no fireball
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
