Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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