You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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