all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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