If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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