When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
