I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
