My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
