Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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