Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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