What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
