The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
