blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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