Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
