i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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