She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
