I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
