But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Will exercising make me less horny?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
