i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
