My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
