We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Randomize
