This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize