I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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