I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
