i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
