She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
