you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
