he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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