It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
