I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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