I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
