Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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