thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
