Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
