Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize