the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize