Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
