week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
