i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
