God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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