she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize