adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
