I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
