her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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