Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize