No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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