I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
This show inspires me to have sex in space
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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