I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
