i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
