Christians are straight up FREAKS
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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