im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
