I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize