Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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