A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
