Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
