like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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