I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Randomize