Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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