i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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