Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize