Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
