Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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