Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
